Monday, January 30, 2017

Looking Back.

I was browsing through old blog posts tonight, in an attempt to distract myself from reading about the various types of macrocytic-normochromic anemias in pathophysiology, and I came across this one that I wrote before before Scott moved to Indianapolis.  Oh, how my heart flutters reading this.  I remember writing this, and I remember the feelings. I had.  I'm going to insert the post here and then add a little comment at the end. Love you all and thanks for your patience with my lack of posts as I navigate a difficult time with school. The inserted post is in black, and I will return to the present by writing in black ink at the end. 
So here I sit, exactly one week and one day after hearing such wonderful and exciting news for Scott (the boyfriend): he has been accepted to Indiana's School of Dentistry!!! I definitely cried when he told me (he doesn't know this, and I don't think he reads this so hopefully he never will know :)).  Not tears of sorrow, but tears of immense joy for him.  Scott is one of the hardest working individuals that I know; personally, I believe that there is no person who deserves this as much as he does, and I am so so excited for him!  It has been his desire to be a dentist since he was a young boy, and it's amazing to see him being blessed with this incredible opportunity.
As for him moving to INDIANAPOLIS (10.5 hour drive from here, or a $300 flight... hmmm), I honestly think it's the most amazing thing for him.  He went to UNCW for undergrad and lived at home, so I feel like he got a very different college experience than most (though, no less of an experience).  He's also a good ole Southern boy (I think it was his Southern charm that first caught my attention 5 years ago), which makes me quite convinced that moving to Indianapolis will introduce him to so many new things and experiences.
I am obviously a teeny tiny bit sad and nervous because our relationship will change immensely from this.  Not only will the distance be greater between us, but the whole context of our relationship will be different.  We are used to hanging out in Wilmington or Chapel Hill and doing kind of the "same old stuff" (which is one thing I love about our relationship... I don't feel obligated to go somewhere to enjoy his company all the time.  We are totally down with just hanging out together with our families at home or going for a run).  I am certainly planning to go visit him in Indianapolis, as I have never been before and now have every reason to do so! Despite the few tears that I shed when saying goodbye to him on Tuesday, I 100% believe that God works through all things and uses all things for His glory.  I have no doubts that Scott and I will be able to continue our relationship and that we will both be stronger because of it.  A 5 year relationship isn't something that just ends because of a few hundred extra miles :)
Anyways, prayers on this matter are always appreciated as Scott starts dental school this coming week! He moves to Indiana TOMORROW (YAY!) and will start his orientation next Wednesday.  So so excited for him, seriously.  Despite any sadness at all, my joy for what is to come for him totally outweighs any negative feelings I have.  I am so blessed to be a part of this journey with such an incredible man.
That being said, I guess it's time to jump on board. Go Hoosiers!

I am laughing the way that God probably was when I wrote this.  The symbol above is now the symbol for the nurse practitioner school that I attend.  And we no longer suffer from long distance woes but are married, living in Indianapolis together, owning a house and dog in Indy.  What in the world? My poor little self was so worried when Scott went off to school.  I was trying to sound brave in this post, I do remember that.  But I was so terrified.  Scott had a female roommate his first year, and I remember being scared that he'd fall in love with her or some other girl.  Nevermind that we had been together for 5+ years at that point.  I was also terrified that I wouldn't be able to handle THAT kind of distance.

I remember my equal terror when things DID work out and I was sitting on the floor of my bedroom at Jessica's house a few nights before moving to Indianapolis.  I was moving into a super cute apartment with a view of downtown to rival any other in the city (an apartment that we ended up LOVING and that I miss terribly, even though we love our house).  I had no job, few friends, and a lot of love for the boy I would soon marry.  I listened to "Oceans" on repeat as I cried, terrified and excited and hopeful for all that was to come.

God has His hand in all things.  I am assured of that daily, and I am reminded of that as I read these little posts from long ago.  I am not going to venture into politics in this space but hope that you find deep rest and hope in the Lord and that you cling to Scripture desperately when you have no answers to what is happening in the world around us. 

Great is Thy faithfulness. 

Love you all,
C. 

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