Friday, October 30, 2015

More.


Today is one of those days when I'm struggling with contentment, when I'm wishing for more.  Not more money or more things, but more of the small things that make my life feel full.

Today I'm wanting more time.  More time off of work, more time away from school.  More time with my family.  More time drinking coffee with friends.  More time to travel.  More time together with Scott. More time to pray.  More time to treat my body well-- more time to wash my face or brush my teeth or regularly exercise. More time to organize and clean.  More time to be and not do.

And I'm wanting more space.  More space to run.  More space to cook and bake.  More space to breathe.  More space to stargaze at night without city lights.  More space to spread out and nap.  More space to fill with tables and chairs and people gathered around them.  More space to dance and play.  More space to practice yoga in the living room.  More space to twirl.

I'm wanting more conversation.  More conversation about Jesus.  More conversation about my friends and my family and what's going on in their lives.  More conversation about important things like world peace and unimportant things like coffee and books.  More conversation that's real and authentic and buried beneath fake smiles and pat answers.

And I'm wanting more air.  More salty, beach air.  More crisp, mountain air.  More country air at Mama C's.  More air to breathe.  More fresh air.

And lastly, I'm wanting more coffee.  More coffee from Port City Java while laughing with old friends.  More coffee on the way to work as I get ready for a busy shift.  More coffee with an Angus Barn chocolate chess pie, with friends around the table.  More coffee with Jesus.  More coffee to wake up to in the morning when my eyes will barely open.  More coffee to go with more conversation.

That's what I want today.  And maybe it's because I'm getting ready to work four shifts in a row or maybe it's because I snapped at work last night and was embarrassed that so many people saw me being unreasonable and illogical.  Maybe it's because I feel like my life is bursting at the seams and that I can't fit another single thing in my brain or my planner or my apartment.  Maybe it's because I feel like I watch my life spiral out of control but rarely know how to reign it back in. But it's where I am today and gives me hope for where I am going.  I rarely want more of the tangible, but oh, how I ache for more of the intangible.

Lots of love.
C


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