Start

"Life starts all over again when it's crisp in the fall." -F. Scott Fitzgerald 

It's been a little while again-- that happens when I make resolutions, sometimes.  I hit a busy season or a season where I can't peel myself away from working and cleaning and keeping up my house.  Scott and I have been watching Tiny House Nation lately, and I can't even tell you how much we talk about moving into a tiny house to simplify so I don't have to spend so much of my time off cleaning. Isn't it crazy how much time we spend cleaning our houses?  We live in a home that is much larger than we need, but we did that whole "buy the cheapest house on the block" thing and are putting a lot of sweat equity into it.  That being said, I really only clean the main level of our house regularly since that's the part we live in from day to day, and I feel like I just have to start on one end of the house and make my way to the other week by week.  There's never enough time, and I am too cheap to pay someone to help me clean it, so there's always a mess somewhere (sometimes everywhere). 

Lately, I am overwhelmed by all of the things.  Everything I mentioned above-- cleaning, working, keeping up the house, house projects, cooking, running.  How do women do everything that they do? I am not saying men don't do a lot, but if the sheets don't get changed or the sink is full of dishes, Scott doesn't seem to sweat it too much.  I feel the burden of providing meals for our family and cooking/cleaning, as though I feel a physical weight if I don't accomplish all of the things I need to do (get the meal on the table, switch the laundry, fold the laundry, change the sheets, clean the toilet).  Do other women feel this way? Or other people-- not namely women, I suppose? 

And so this all leads me into why I love fall.  It's not that toilets don't need to be cleaned in the fall, but it's that I can prop open the windows and let a cool breeze in while I do it.  I can light the pumpkin candles all over the house and clean while I smell the very best cozy fall scents-- apple cider, pumpkin spice, apple bourbon.  I bake a lot and bring treats to friends.  I feel a lifting of all of those burdens, those weights.  I don't mind doing the mundane things when it's fall-- I want a clean house because I want to invite people in.  I realized several years ago that fall feels like New Year's to me.  I sit on the edge of fall peering through at all that I hope for ahead.  It feels like a fresh start in so many ways. 

And so that brings me to start.  One of the writing groups I am in has a challenge going this week for daily prompts, and I am jumping back into writing and hoping to keep up with the daily prompts.  Today's prompt? Start.  So here I am.  I am starting again.  On the first day of my very favorite season, I am starting back with something I love.  I am going to start my day with writing (or today ending my day with it), with thoughts about the prompt I'm given while I sip coffee and prepare for the day ahead.  I feel like sometimes I just start and stop and start and stop.  This time, I hope there's just start.  As I settle into my favorite season, I pray for desire and commitment to start again. 

I'm also starting something else.  In fact, something I have already started.  I am starting to invite people in again.  My word for 2019, IN, is stamped on a necklace made for me by a friend-- a necklace I wear every day.  A lot of people think it stands for Indiana-- that's maybe part of it.  But the bigger part of IN this year that the Lord is asking me is for me to remain in His word and to invite people in.  I have been on a journey through the Old Testament that is taking me an embarrassingly long time-- I started in January and am currently in Leviticus! Yikes.  Nevertheless, I am creating new rhythms and routines with my morning quiet time this year that I hope last a lifetime for me through all of the difficult and challenging seasons ahead--in marriage, work, and (hopefully) motherhood.  

The other part of IN is inviting people in, and that means into my mess of a heart and into my mess of a home.  My messy, half renovated home feels a lot like my heart sometimes; there's clutter everywhere and half finished walls.  There's painter's tape all over our dining room and an exposed wall in our kitchen.  I kept people out for a long time; neighbors would come to the door and we would quickly slip out onto the porch to talk, closing the door so they couldn't see the half finished floors and cans of paint everywhere.  My heart for hospitality felt crushed by this-- I longed to invite people in.  

So I have started.  I give friends the disclaimer that OUR HOUSE IS UNDER CONSTRUCTION, and then I invite them in for tea and a muffin, warning them to be cautious as they step over tools and sit in the midst of our half-painted dining room. And you know what? I think initially, people are shocked-- but after a while, conversation becomes easy and the mood lightens.  They sink into the sectional as they relax and sip their tea.  And it feels very much like it's almost normal in here when that happens, like we're in a nicely decorated and finished home having an evening connecting. 

Hope you have something that you've started this year, or maybe something you want to start in the season or year to come.

Love,

C