As for our wedding, I've been slow-moving. The week we got engaged I quickly jumped on so many things and was really excited for everything that was accomplished, and now I'm slowing down and not dealing with big important things that need to be decided. I've experienced a lot of turmoil over certain decisions regarding the wedding and have had to learn to take others' opinions into consideration. There have been many tears shed over wedding planning so far which is why, as of late, I have pretty much stopped dealing with the big decisions and have only done the smaller tasks. I've been doing a lot of crafting for our centerpieces, bought my wedding shoes (which I've been wearing around the house with my PJs.. it's a good look), bought fabric/brooches and commissioned my dear friend Hannah to begin the fabric flower bouquets (check out her page here if you're interested in them, she's a true artist), and have bought a few items for ceremony decor. We're on a tight budget (more because we want to be, we don't think an extravagant wedding would be a reflection of our personalities or relationship at all. We're going for low-key, Southern, family/friend oriented affair). So those are the "small" things I've been working on to avoid the bigger decisions that seem to be causing turmoil. Engaged life is interesting. It's not at all what I thought it would be, and all of my friends have told me it's so fun and to just enjoy it.. but my fiancé lives 10.5 hours away from me. So we're not able to do a lot of the fun things involved in engaged life. I've enjoyed being more open with him and free to talk about certain topics that before we were more guarded with, but mostly it's different than I imagined. I'm excited to visit Scott next week and am hopeful that things will feel different when I can actually spend time with him in person. It'll be the first time we see each other since we got engaged back in March, so I'm just a little bit excited about it :)
The weather is finally changing and for that I am happy. The sun is out, warm weather is starting to break through the harsh cold of winter, and my toes are freshly painted and ready to be buried in the sand at Wrightsville Beach. I just want one good beach day so I can lie in the warm sun with a good book, a cold sweet tea, and let my mind run away for a little bit. Yet it seems every time I come home, despite the fact that there were beautiful beach days just a few days earlier, it's not quite beach weather anymore. I can't wait until summer when it's guaranteed to be warm and I will just have rain to fight off for a good beach day. I have my bathing suit home with me this weekend just in hopes that it will be nice enough to get started on my tan lines, but so far it seems that it's a no-go.
So that is life lately. My sister posted something the other day on twitter that really resonated with me in the midst of all I've been going through lately. She posted (not sure where it's from): " The Bible never once says, 'figure it out,' but over and over again it says, 'Trust God.'" I need to learn this. I need to stop running around trying to figure everything out for myself and instead just learn to pray, surrender my worries to Him, and learn to trust that He has things under control even when I don't (ESPECIALLY when I don't, which is most of the time. Slash all of the time, because He should ultimately always be in control). I'm missing church community lately and feel very far from God; my self-absorbed nature is taking over and I have tried to play God with my life lately. Oh, if I could just let go of things and let Him work in my life. This is my prayer and this is what I ask you to help me with (through prayer and encouragement). I need rest for my weary soul, and I know true rest and peace in this world can only be found in Him. All other things that provide temporary relief or rest or false gods and will never last. I really like these song lyrics from a song I've heard on K-Love a lot lately, and I think they are something I need to take advice from.
"Come to the river, oh and lay yourself down, and let your heart be found. You say come to the river, drink from the cup I pour, and thirst no more. My restless heart led me astray. To my selfish pride I became a slave. But you placed a thirst in me, with no drink in sight. Cause I could not see, till I saw through your eyes." -Rhett Walker Band
Grace & peace to you all,