Our journey has not been an easy one, nor has it been anything like the romance you see in movies. It's been filled with much uncertainty and heartache. I've cried tears I can't even begin to count over the distance and through tough times when I've felt so alone. I've sat alone in airports or in my car after having to say goodbye and let silent tears fall while I prayed for strength to overcome the distance and to learn to love him from afar. I've had many moments of frustration through seemingly important arguments that I later find to be quite irrelevant and unimportant, and I've had moments of exasperation when we couldn't find a way to see eye to eye on something.
But more than that, looking past the heartache, I've been immensely joy-filled. I've cried tears of joy and laughed until I cried from funny things he's said or done. I've grown into a woman who understands so much about the Lord's grace because of the grace that I am shown daily in my relationship with Scott. I've experienced beauty beyond measure in his countenance, faith, and sacrificial nature. I've found one of the greatest loves of my soul through him (running) and have had the joy of running alongside him whenever we can find moments to be in the same place at the same time. I've had 2AM phone conversations that completely push me beyond the walls I've built up in my mind and cause me to find enlightenment or new understanding of Biblical truths or things of this earth. I've known unconditional love and what it is to be valued and cherished by someone so lovely, and I've learned to be selfless in my own giving and loving.
If you followed my old blog, you may have seen my post last year on our anniversary about our dating history. To save myself from being repetitive, I'll include the link here. We've shared memories that I hold dear to my heart and others that I'm always so happy to share with others, and I've experienced sweet tastes of the Lord's love for me through how Scott has loved me over the years. I haven't always been the most lovable person, and I know that there are times when I (intentionally or not) have made it difficult to love me. But he has. And 7 years later, he's still standing next to me holding my hand, opening doors for me and surprising me with thoughtfulness, all more than I could ever have asked for.
And in less than a year, I will walk down an aisle in a big white dress to take his hand in marriage and become his wife and lifelong partner. One can imagine that in the course of 7 years, the topic of marriage does come up once or twice. In fact (and I hope he is ok with me sharing this-- especially because he doesn't exactly remember this conversation I am about to disclose), in September of 2006, about three months after we had started dating, the two of us sat on a bench at Fort Caswell chatting beneath a starlit sky talking about how crazy it was that we were actually dating (and at this point, had just started with the long distance portion, which would come to fill the majority of our dating relationship). And while nervously holding hands (it was all still kind of new at this point), he told me that he could see himself marrying me one day and that he hoped we could make things work. Maybe not as romantic of a tale as the movies portray, your "I knew when I met her that she was my wife," but at 16, it was enough for my young heart to hold onto and hope for.
Never in my wildest dreams would I have thought that we could withstand the time and the distance. I remember often saying to one another that we wished we had met later in life, for if we had, we would have saved ourselves a lot of heartache and turmoil (or so we thought). But we didn't meet later in life. We met during a time that was a major growing season for us both. I often tell Scott that I find it funny that we are still together, because we are SUCH different people now than we were at 16 and 18 (he's two years older than me). But the thing is, though we've grown, we have grown together and have more than tolerated one another's changes; I actually think it's been quite fun to watch Scott grow into the man he is today. I think he might say the same about me, though he probably wishes he could have missed out on some of my tears and mood swings. Our relationship is by no means typical, and we could have easily broken down and quit at many points along the way. But God's plan for us has been so incredible despite the difficulty, and I can't picture going through this any other way. The plans God makes for us are often so much more beautiful than anything we could have ever imagined for ourselves.
Our journey has been one with many road blocks, detours, winding roads, and uncharted paths that we've had to maneuver through. But I'm so thankful that God blessed me with this man and with this journey. It's been a journey of faith to be certain, filled with more love and joy than I ever could have anticipated. And as we walk into this new phase together, I'm excited to hold the same hand that I've held since my 16-year-old self took a leap of faith in saying yes to something so uncertain. I know we will face as much uncertainty (and possibly more so) in our marriage as we have in dating, but that's part of the growing. The uncertainty teaches us to trust God and His plan for our lives together and allows us to be molded into beings for His kingdom and His glory.
So dearest Scott, my sweet husband-to-be, I hope you find this as you're scrolling through Facebook tomorrow and that it brings a smile to your face to know that I'm loving you from 650 miles away, with a sparkly reminder on my left hand of the promise you have made to me and the hope of the covenant we are about to enter into. You're the most wonderful friend I have ever known and I can't wait to see you in person in a few short weeks. Thanks for your patience, grace, and love for the past 7 years. I'm celebrating June 16th for the last time with you this year and will soon have a new anniversary to share, but June will always hold a soft place in the deepest chambers of my heart for you. Here's to many more years learning from one another and loving each other & those around us.
It may not be Hollywood love or what Nicholas Sparks writes about, and it may seem like a long and broken road. But it's a love that has been raw and pure, and that has grown from a tiny baby nothing into a big giant something from many years of planting, sowing, watering, tilling, sweating, and finally, harvesting. It's nothing that I ever imagined yet more than I ever could have hoped for. And in 10 short months, it'll all change and start over again. A different field this time. We'll put the dating one to rest and turn our efforts towards the one where marriage grows. I'll grab the seed if you'll get the pitchfork, and I'll meet you in the field next spring.
Grace & peace, dear friends. And thank you for all of your support along this journey. It's more appreciated than you'll ever know.