Striving & Finding Rest

I'm writing tonight at the end of a day that has felt endless-- I woke up at 7:50 to brew my first cup of coffee, and I continued to drink coffee until just a few hours ago when I submitted an assignment I've been working on all day.  I told Scott that I just don't feel right today... something feels off.  I feel anxious and like I'm carrying around burdens that don't really know about or understand.  My heart is aching this week as I see talk of Thanksgiving and going home to see family-- I am so close but so far from seeing my own.  I'll be working this Thanksgiving and will be having a quiet Thanksgiving at home with Scott.  He'll fry a turkey and I'll have some easy-to-heat sides for him to toss in the oven while I'm working and he's studying.

I need rest, and not like sleep or days off from work or anything like that.  I need the deep rest that comes from Jesus, rest that comes from knowing my soul's worth and having confidence in Him.  I started doing an Advent study a little early this week, since I am rarely able to keep up with Advent studies during the actual season, and I noticed that on the days that I miss my time with God, I feel this way.  Like I'm restless, anxious, and striving throughout the whole day.  I can't quiet my mind or my body, and it feels like there's just always something else to do, something else to clean.

I watched this video the other day of some of my favorite Christian women discussing how to keep worshipping Jesus at the center of the holiday season, and I just keep coming back to watch it.  It's a good reminder for me that the season isn't about having the prettiest Christmas tree or giving the best presents (isn't that a funny change-- I now care more about the gifts I give other people than the ones I get myself?).  It's about celebrating a Savior who came to this Earth in a lowly manger to save us all from our sins.  It's about the Savior who is fully God yet fully man, who endured death on a cross for the sake of us all.  I'm getting teary writing those words because I have lived so far from those truths lately, and the Holy Spirit is reminding me that this is my worth, this is my calling.  To live in those promises and share those truths with those around me.

So I'm laying my striving at the foot of the cross tonight and praying for immense rest tonight-- I'm spending a little time tonight tidying up my house but the rest of my night immersed in Scripture and prayer.

Lord, please deliver me from this anxiety and this need to strive.  Help me rest in You.  Help me lean on you and fall into your peace tonight.  Lord, give me a heart to serve you in all that I say and do.  And lead me to the foot of your cross each day to lay my worries and fears aside. 

XO,
C.