The In Between Spaces

Sometimes I feel like I'm waiting around for the next big thing to happen in my life.  When I was in college, that meant a break from school, a summer, graduation, etc.  Once I graduated, it was finding a job, taking vacations from said job, trips to visit Scott in Indianapolis, and other things of that nature.  And the progression continued.  I was waiting around for a sparkly ring from the man I loved, and after that, it was waiting to move, waiting to find a new job, waiting for our wedding, our honeymoon.  All of those things.

And now a lot of those things are over.  We had a more beautiful wedding day than I ever could have hoped for, traveled throughout Italy for a honeymoon I'd kill to relive, and I'm in the job that I wanted before I ever even moved up here (the one I interviewed for 5 months before I could actually start it).  So what is the next big thing I'm waiting for?  I scroll through Facebook and see baby bump pictures of friends I grew up with, pictures of newlyweds buying their first home together or doing a DIY bathroom remodel.  I see people posting about their promotions or moving across the country, or someone deciding to go into full time missions work asking for prayer or financial support.  I see friends getting accepted to graduate schools or getting their dream job, friends who win big fancy awards for research and a job well-done.  I wonder if any of those things are the next big thing that I'm waiting around for.

The thing is, maybe something big is coming.  But right now, I don't think that there is.  None of those situations listed above really apply to the stage of life that Scott and I are in.  I think that I am learning how to live in the in between spaces, living life in the margins.  I think living for the next big thing leads to a lot of discontentment, like we're in a constant state of wanting more and never feeling fully settled where we are.  I suppose this kind of goes back to the lessons I learned last year with trying to ground myself in the present.  There is so much volume to living life in the in between spaces.  It's where a lot of the laughter in my life takes place, where random cooking adventures begin and runs on the Monon take place.  The in between spaces are where I see the most beautiful sunsets from our apartment or where I burn the most delicious smelling candle.  These spaces are where the textures of life are felt in the most tangible way, where the details seem to be so loud and important.

I've learned to love the in between spaces in my life as much as I do the white space in a book.  Can you imagine trying to read a book where all of the words were crammed together without spaces in between them? Or reading books that don't have margins for you to scribble notes in (does anyone else do this?)?   How overwhelming that would be; the pages would look so cluttered!  In the same way, I don't think it's healthy to live life from big moment to big moment.  I've seen people do it, and it seems so completely overwhelming to me.  I think it works for some people, but for me, I need those in between spaces.  I need the time to breathe that comes with white spaces and blank pages between chapters.  I need the time for nurturing and taking care of myself that happens in those restful spaces.  Time for candles and magazine articles, for good books and freshly made beds.  Those things don't happen too much for me when the big moments are happening, when the feature film is being released with my next big life event in the spotlight.

I like the in between spaces, and I'm learning how to live in a giant in between space.