Becoming Mrs. Davis

Photo credit: The 25th Hour Studio 

For the longest time, in fact, for most of my life, I thought that the act of getting married turned you into this beautiful being called a wife.  I thought that marriage in and of itself just made you into the Proverbs 31 woman, and that suddenly you were this encouraging, lovely, never-angry person who your husband just adored with all of his heart.

I've learned that this isn't the case.  If anything, marriage in and of itself makes you the opposite of those things.  It can make you resentful towards your spouse, frustrated, revenge-seeking, and easily angered.  I see how people so easily fall into these traps with their spouses, letting their lack of dish-washing and laundry-doing be a cause for marital strife and discord.  I find myself snapping sometimes, knowing that I'm being completely illogical, but not knowing how to escape from those feelings and ugly words.  

In response to these things, marriage has made me a woman who prays a lot more than I used to.  Though, I do not pray in the same ways that I always have.  I used to wake up in the little green house in Durham, brew some coffee, and crawl back into bed to read my Bible and write out my prayers.  Or I would sit on the living room couch with the fire blazing and Penny the golden doodle nugget sitting next to me on the couch while I read and prayed.  There was so much space for this, so many places I could go for quiet.  In Indy, we live in a 600-square-foot, one-bedroom apartment that affords little luxury in the way of space.  I love our apartment to no end, but it's tiny.  When I lived by myself in the apartment pre-marriage, it felt giant.  I would sit at the kitchen table by the bay window to read my Bible or sit on the Chancey couch or stay in my own bed.  With two people in the apartment, there are fewer places to go to pray.  If Scott is in the living room, I feel like I have to be in the bedroom, out of the way.  Or vice versa.  

And so my perspective on prayer has changed.  I no longer write out my prayers like I used to in my single-lady days.  I pray to God in my head, on my way to work, as I grocery shop, when I'm cooking in the kitchen.  It's in the moment, and not jut once a day when I have time to sit down and write.  I very much want to get back into writing-- I like tracing my prayer journey, looking back to see prayers God has answered that I may have been praying over for months.  But as a newlywed dwelling in small spaces, I'm learning to be less of a snob about prayer.  I'm learning to be more open to praying anywhere and everywhere and not just on paper but out loud or in my head at any moment of the day.  And to be honest, I think that this is good.  I think this might be a sliver of what God calls us to.  As Paul encourages us in 1 Thessalonians 5:17: Pray without ceasing.  It's a change in perspective of prayer as a once a day thing to a continual conversation throughout the day with Jesus.  And doesn't that seem so lovely?  To build your relationship with Him through constant communication? It's equivalent to calling your mom or your friend or  your spouse throughout the day with little life updates or thoughts about your day.  "Hey Mom!  I'm on my lunch break and just wanted to tell you that I got that promotion!"  "Hey Dad, I'm just on my way home from school.  It wasn't a great day today, the kids were so hyper from all the Halloween candy they ate last night. Maybe tomorrow will be better."

Becoming Mrs. Davis has been nothing like I thought it would be.  I have not transformed into this beautiful wifely creature that I thought I had the potential to become when getting married.  I'm the same Cristina I was when I married Scott, but I am becoming a better version of her through trials that we face and through experiences that are growing and stretching us.  I think a lot of that becoming happens through the toughest and most private parts of our marriage.  It happens behind closed doors, with the struggles that people on the other side of the door know nothing about.  The becoming has taught me how to pray better for my husband, how to encourage him, how to pick him up out of the low places he falls into.  And he's done the same for me, growing and stretching beyond what I always knew him as into something even more lovely.  

When I think about this process of becoming, I think about the simplest things, too.  Like my new last name.  Though I changed my name on Facebook and my nursing license, my driver's license and social security card, for a while, it still felt like I was an impostor.  I was at a class at work a few months ago when Cristina Davis was called, and I hesitated for a minute, confused by what I had heard.  I think they said my name-- am I Cristina Davis? For 23 years I was Cristina Poveromo, and this Cristina Davis person sounds sort of like me but with a much easier to spell last name.  

This week at a conference I went to in Chicago, I realized that I really had become Cristina Davis.  And I knew that name to be my own.  I showed up to the conference and saw two name tags: Cristina Davis and Cristina Poveromo.  There was mass confusion because my check that I mailed in was from Cristina Poveromo but my registration form said Cristina Davis.  Which one was I? If I was Cristina Davis, where was Cristina Poveromo? Who was she? I had to explain that these were not two different people-- Poveromo was my maiden name.  I claimed the Cristina Davis nametag and walked away, realizing that the name finally clicked and made sense to me. I am Mrs. Davis.  I am no longer Cristina Poveromo-- that girl was lovely, but this one is in a beautiful process of becoming.  Becoming braver and more confident, more trusting in the Lord's plan for what may come.    Becoming a "help meet" for her husband, an encourager and an unconditional lover.  

Proverbs 31:10-31

An excellent wife, who can find? 

She is far more precious than jewels.

The heart of her husband trusts in her,

and he will have no lack of gain.

She does him good, and not harm,

all the days of her life.

She seeks wool and flax,

and works with willing hands. 

She is like the ships of the merchant; 

she brings her food from afar.

She rises while is is yet night

and provides food for her household

and portions for her maidens.

She considers a field and buys it,

with the fruits of her hands she pants a vineyard.

She dresses herself with strength and makes her arms strong.

She perceives that her merchandise is profitable.

Her lamp does not go out at night.

She puts her hands to the distaff,

and her hands hold the spindle.

She opens her hand to the poor

and reaches out her hands to the needy.

She is not afraid of snow for her household,

for all her household are clothed in scarlet.  

She makes bed coverings for herself,

her clothing is fine linen and purple.

Her husband is known in the gates

when he sits among the elders of the land.

She makes linen garments and sells them;

She delivers sashes to the merchants.

Strength and dignity are her clothing,

and she laughs at the time to come.

She opens her mouth with wisdom,

and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.  

She looks well to the ways of her household

and does not eat the bread of idleness.

Her children rise up and call her blessed, 

her husband also, and he praises her.

Many women have done excellently,

but you surpass them all.

Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain,

but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.

Give her the fruit of her hands, 

and let her works praise her in the gates.  

I am not that woman.  But I am becoming her.  

Lots of love,

C.