8 Years Later

I couldn't even think of a title for this post for the longest time.  I couldn't sleep today after night shift (I slept some-- about 5 hours, which is just not enough for me!), and I'm wondering if this is normal.  Is it normal not to sleep the week before your wedding?  It's not nerves.  Several people have asked me how nervous I am; I'm not nervous at all.  I've known this man for many years and have loved him since the very beginning of it all.  Pre-marriage counseling has taught me that there's still a lot to learn about him (yes, even after 8 years, there are surprises!).  As for the day itself, I'm praying for sunny, warm weather, but I know I have no control over this. And so if it rains on April 12th, I will dance in the rain with my husband and I will celebrate just as fervently as if it were sunny.  But as for nerves, I do not have any.

I've been waking up from strange nightmares lately-- a hurricane came through and our tent company refused to let us rent the rent that weekend, the day before the wedding all of our guests started canceling and so did our vendors-- but I wouldn't call it nerves.  I'm living in anticipation right now, which is exactly what I said I wasn't going to do in 2014.  This was my self-proclaimed year of living in the present.  But just this one time, I'm allowing myself to break the rules and to live in anticipation and expectation of what is to come.

This month the culmination of all of my planning and crafting and budgeting takes place; I will see everything that we have worked so hard for over the past 13 months come together for our wedding.  Even more than that, I'll see what the Lord has been building for the past 8 years culminate in a covenant between us and Him.  I have long awaited this day, and I can hardly believe that it's just next week.

I started packing for home the other day and realized that this is IT.  This is the most important packing job I will ever do (hyperbole maybe? At this point, it seems like the most important one!), particularly because our wedding is back in NC.  I've been very careful to pack all of the essentials-- running shoes, workout clothes, rehearsal dinner dress, other fun dresses (just in case!), all of my favorite beauty items, Scott's ring, important documents to get our marriage license.  And the days are just slipping away.

When I met Scott 8 years ago, I had no idea that he was the boy I would marry.  At 16, you don't necessarily think of every relationship as one that ends in marriage.  We had agreed that we wouldn't want to date each other unless we could see ourselves marrying the other person, but there were no imminent plans of marriage way back then.  These years have been so full of life for us, and not just the happy parts of life.  We've dealt with the big stuff together-- joys mixed with sorrows, big let-downs and disappointments mixed with big happy moments.  Our relationship has lived through  numerous moves and hundreds of miles, high school, college, nursing and dental schools, poor communication, unrealistic expectations, broken families, painful goodbyes, and tearful confessions.  It's the same stuff that I expect our marriage to face; but thankfully, there are those small joyful moments that help to overshadow those big scary things.  There's coffee in the morning and brunch in my (soon-to-be our) apartment, singing silly Disney songs and laughing until our faces hurt.  There's quick runs together through our neighborhood and trips to hood Kroger where they don't stock our salad staple-- goat cheese; there's study breaks for Flying Cupcake and late night trips to Walgreens for Blue Bell ice cream.  There's church on Sunday mornings and fellowship over meals with friends afterwards.  All of these things are the things that make up a life together, and they're the things that we sometimes miss while we wait around for something big to happen-- buying a house, having a baby, getting the dream job, etc.  But I've spent 8 years of these little moments with Scott and they have been just as important as the big, seemingly life-defining moments.

So though the biggest moment of all is coming upon us, the one with two little I dos, I'm living in anticipation but not considering it the finish line for all of this.  I don't want to call it the day my life begins, that seems a little bit dramatic and untruthful.  I've been living the past 23 years of my life; but now, I get to do life alongside an incredible, goofy, handsome, Jesus-loving man.  For that, I am excited and ever so thankful.

Here's to many more years of experiencing life's bigs and smalls alongside my husband.  Husband. Husband... husband. HUSBAND?! Maybe that word starts to seem normal after a while.  I'll be sad to hang up fiancé in a week and a half, it's been a good word for the past 13 months.

In any case, you probably won't hear much from me over the next week and a half; I fly out on Friday to spend a week in Wilmy before it all begins.

See you on the other side! :)

Love,
C