Reflections on a year in passing & looking ahead
As Christmas approaches (can you believe it's Christmas Eve already?) and 2013 comes to a close, I'm thinking back about all that has happened this year and reflecting on how much has changed. 2013 has been full of lots of big things. Life-changing, big things. I attended nine beautiful weddings in 2013, got engaged to a man I love immensely, starting planning a budget-savvy country wedding, watched my brother graduate high school and begin college. 2013 was the year my grandmother made the weighty decision to not pursue treatment for her 3rd recurrence of breast cancer, which has now metastasized and become widespread throughout her body. It was the year that I decided to leave my job at UNC, my friends and family nearby, and all of the comforts of the South to be closer to Scott. After 7.5 years of dating, we were ready to experience life together in the same city. I've adjusted to life in the Midwest better than could be expected, found a job (maybe not my "forever" job, but a place where I can practice my profession and can make some money to put towards the final pieces of our wedding), and am ready to begin pre-marital counseling come January with Scott.
2013 was for growing and stretching. My 2013 self looks so different from the Cristina I grew up being. I had to go outside of my comfort zone and learn to be ok with being the new girl again in a new place; I had to be ok with not knowing all the back roads to get places (or even the main roads, to be honest). I had to be ok with not having a job for a period of time, and I had to trust that one would be provided. But I learned a lot about myself, my relationship with Scott, and the Lord as I pushed through the walls of comfort into the unknown. I'm so glad I did.
Being home has made me realize just how much I love and miss North Carolina. Scott and I hope to end up back here eventually, and I can't wait for that day. In the meantime, I'm going to learn what it is for him to be my family for a while. In just over 3 months, I'm going to share a last name, a home, and a life with Scott, and I'm ready to learn what it is for him to be my family. In the book Cold Tangerines by Shauna Niequist (just started reading and could barely put it down to write this post), she has a chapter called "Becoming Family." Here's an excerpt from it that I feel I can really identify with, and perhaps you will, too, for those who live away from family
The growing and stretching doesn't end in 2013. I think it's a process that will last for my whole life. I think it's what Jesus calls us to, this moving forward and pushing past what's comfy and warm and fuzzy. Our trust and faith in Him grows so much when we leave everything we know in, what seems to outsiders, like reckless abandonment of our former selves. It's reckless if you do it on your own, but it's called faith when you do it with Jesus. I'm not encouraging you to pack up and move across the country; but rather, encouraging you to do something in 2014 that maybe isn't something you'd ever considered yourself doing. Maybe it means a major career or job change, a new volunteer or service opportunity, going back to school. It could mean stepping away from a toxic relationship, or starting a new friendship with someone not in your circle of friends. Whatever it is, I hope you find yourself ever-stretching in 2014. I'm quite certain my stretching is not yet over.
In my reflections on the year, I can't forget to look back on my one word for the year. Each year, my home church promotes picking one word for the year to focus on instead of making a long list of resolutions. My word in 2013 was serve (post here: My One Word: Serve). I'll tell you what, my word did not play out quite in the way I had imagined. I served this year, but not in the ways that I had dreamed up in my head. My vision with serve was that I would be one of the greeters on Sundays at church, or maybe that I would volunteer feeding the homeless downtown. I didn't serve in the traditional church serving type way in 2013. Much of my service was through loving friends through tough times, through standing beside them as they got married, and through doing the everyday mundane kind of loving. When I moved to Indy, I served Scott through cooking meals for him as he studied for exams and boards, and I tried to do things to encourage him as he made his way through long days in clinic and long nights in the books. I love how God transforms the plans that we have for ourselves and does so much more than we anticipated with them.
This year, my word is present. I'm guilty of always planning ahead, dwelling on the past, and wanting more than what I have right now. I'm rarely content with where I am in life or with what I have. This goes for relationships, belongings, where I live, my marital status, my car, my job, etc. I'm always looking ahead to a better version of my self, a better version of my home, relationship... you get the point. This year, I'm going to focus on being present and being content with where I am. I'm going to slow down and enjoy where I am. I'm going to take in every detail around me and not just zip through the days in anticipation of the next one. I'm going to thank God for each day, each blessing, each trial. And I'm going to learn as much as I can no matter where I am. I'm going to work earnestly at my job and not wish it away, I'm going to enjoy every moment of planning our wedding and not hope for the day when it's all over, and I'm going to take time to appreciate the small moments that are actually the big, massive, important moments. I've learned a little bit about this in 2013, and I've taken time in the midst of all of the crazy to appreciate smaller, quieter moments. But I've still got a long way to go. Scott would tell you about how anxious I was in 2013 and how worried I constantly was about how things would turn out; he'd also tell you about how I look back now and laugh at all of the stress that I felt, especially now that I see how beautifully God provided.
Pray with me on this word and hold me accountable, sweet friends. I have one friend who I'm going to call out who did an awesome job at checking in on my word-- Josh Bennet. Thank you, friend, for doing an incredible job at holding me accountable with serve. Even though it didn't turn out in the way I anticipated, it was still a year of learning to serve. Here's to hoping 2014 will be full of being present and learning to be happy where I am. I hope for lots of moments of eating sweet strawberries, laughing over cups of coffee, being present in the lives of friends and family far away through phone calls and letters, pushing through discomfort and awkwardness to meet new friends and be present in their lives, and in being content with where I am with God-- in listening to His instructions for my life. I know His book is full of truth and wisdom. I pray for my presence in that book this year, and in reaching out to spread His word to those who don't yet know His beauty. I'm guilty of thinking I need to be some super Christian before God can use me for His kingdom; truth is, God used a whole bunch of wretched sinners in the Bible to save people and spread His glory. Why in the world would I be any different?
Thanks for your prayer and support, and let me know how I can pray for and encourage you in 2014. Lots of love to you all-- enjoy this Christmas season and reflect on how blessed we are that Jesus came in the flesh for the purpose of loving us, dying for us, and redeeming us.
Grace & peace,
Cristina
2013 was for growing and stretching. My 2013 self looks so different from the Cristina I grew up being. I had to go outside of my comfort zone and learn to be ok with being the new girl again in a new place; I had to be ok with not knowing all the back roads to get places (or even the main roads, to be honest). I had to be ok with not having a job for a period of time, and I had to trust that one would be provided. But I learned a lot about myself, my relationship with Scott, and the Lord as I pushed through the walls of comfort into the unknown. I'm so glad I did.
Being home has made me realize just how much I love and miss North Carolina. Scott and I hope to end up back here eventually, and I can't wait for that day. In the meantime, I'm going to learn what it is for him to be my family for a while. In just over 3 months, I'm going to share a last name, a home, and a life with Scott, and I'm ready to learn what it is for him to be my family. In the book Cold Tangerines by Shauna Niequist (just started reading and could barely put it down to write this post), she has a chapter called "Becoming Family." Here's an excerpt from it that I feel I can really identify with, and perhaps you will, too, for those who live away from family
On that hot shimmering night, one of the things I said to Aaron in our wedding vows was, "When I am with you, wherever we are, I am home." It was, I thought, a beautiful and romantic thing to say, and I really felt it. Aaron has a way of settling me down and making peace in me when everything feels crazy and alien. The more time I spent with him when we first met, the stronger and more peaceful I felt, like I had eaten a delicious and nutritious breakfast.
I didn't actually think, though, that I would have to put our vows into practice quite so quickly. We met and dated in the town both of our families lived in, and when we got married, we lived in that same town, near old friends and cousins and siblings. And then just a few months after our first anniversary, a friend of ours asked us to think about moving to be a part of his church, three hours away, for Aaron to be a worship leader there. It was in Grand Rapids, Michigan.
...When I said to him on our wedding day that when I was with him, I was home, I did not mean, "Let's move to Michigan and see if I'm right, okay?" I meant, "I love you so much, and let's stay in Chicago where my parents and my friends are, how about that?"Oh, I feel this. I know what it is to feel like someone is home to you. And I now also know what it is to miss the place you've always called home while trying to love the person you now call home.
The growing and stretching doesn't end in 2013. I think it's a process that will last for my whole life. I think it's what Jesus calls us to, this moving forward and pushing past what's comfy and warm and fuzzy. Our trust and faith in Him grows so much when we leave everything we know in, what seems to outsiders, like reckless abandonment of our former selves. It's reckless if you do it on your own, but it's called faith when you do it with Jesus. I'm not encouraging you to pack up and move across the country; but rather, encouraging you to do something in 2014 that maybe isn't something you'd ever considered yourself doing. Maybe it means a major career or job change, a new volunteer or service opportunity, going back to school. It could mean stepping away from a toxic relationship, or starting a new friendship with someone not in your circle of friends. Whatever it is, I hope you find yourself ever-stretching in 2014. I'm quite certain my stretching is not yet over.
In my reflections on the year, I can't forget to look back on my one word for the year. Each year, my home church promotes picking one word for the year to focus on instead of making a long list of resolutions. My word in 2013 was serve (post here: My One Word: Serve). I'll tell you what, my word did not play out quite in the way I had imagined. I served this year, but not in the ways that I had dreamed up in my head. My vision with serve was that I would be one of the greeters on Sundays at church, or maybe that I would volunteer feeding the homeless downtown. I didn't serve in the traditional church serving type way in 2013. Much of my service was through loving friends through tough times, through standing beside them as they got married, and through doing the everyday mundane kind of loving. When I moved to Indy, I served Scott through cooking meals for him as he studied for exams and boards, and I tried to do things to encourage him as he made his way through long days in clinic and long nights in the books. I love how God transforms the plans that we have for ourselves and does so much more than we anticipated with them.
This year, my word is present. I'm guilty of always planning ahead, dwelling on the past, and wanting more than what I have right now. I'm rarely content with where I am in life or with what I have. This goes for relationships, belongings, where I live, my marital status, my car, my job, etc. I'm always looking ahead to a better version of my self, a better version of my home, relationship... you get the point. This year, I'm going to focus on being present and being content with where I am. I'm going to slow down and enjoy where I am. I'm going to take in every detail around me and not just zip through the days in anticipation of the next one. I'm going to thank God for each day, each blessing, each trial. And I'm going to learn as much as I can no matter where I am. I'm going to work earnestly at my job and not wish it away, I'm going to enjoy every moment of planning our wedding and not hope for the day when it's all over, and I'm going to take time to appreciate the small moments that are actually the big, massive, important moments. I've learned a little bit about this in 2013, and I've taken time in the midst of all of the crazy to appreciate smaller, quieter moments. But I've still got a long way to go. Scott would tell you about how anxious I was in 2013 and how worried I constantly was about how things would turn out; he'd also tell you about how I look back now and laugh at all of the stress that I felt, especially now that I see how beautifully God provided.
Pray with me on this word and hold me accountable, sweet friends. I have one friend who I'm going to call out who did an awesome job at checking in on my word-- Josh Bennet. Thank you, friend, for doing an incredible job at holding me accountable with serve. Even though it didn't turn out in the way I anticipated, it was still a year of learning to serve. Here's to hoping 2014 will be full of being present and learning to be happy where I am. I hope for lots of moments of eating sweet strawberries, laughing over cups of coffee, being present in the lives of friends and family far away through phone calls and letters, pushing through discomfort and awkwardness to meet new friends and be present in their lives, and in being content with where I am with God-- in listening to His instructions for my life. I know His book is full of truth and wisdom. I pray for my presence in that book this year, and in reaching out to spread His word to those who don't yet know His beauty. I'm guilty of thinking I need to be some super Christian before God can use me for His kingdom; truth is, God used a whole bunch of wretched sinners in the Bible to save people and spread His glory. Why in the world would I be any different?
Thanks for your prayer and support, and let me know how I can pray for and encourage you in 2014. Lots of love to you all-- enjoy this Christmas season and reflect on how blessed we are that Jesus came in the flesh for the purpose of loving us, dying for us, and redeeming us.
Grace & peace,
Cristina
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