I Want Crazy

My country-loving fans out there probably know the song "I Want Crazy" by Hunter Hayes... if you're not familiar with it, here's the YouTube video link for it.  I love this song.  (Side note: prepare yourself for a lot of references to quotes in this post. Some may seem cliche, but they are ones that are on my mind as I go through this whole process of uncertainty this year).

But I love it for some odd reasons.  I have a weird habit of taking secular music, quotes, movie lines, etc. and finding the Biblical truth in them.  This one might be a stretch, but in my head it makes sense.  There's a lot of lyrics in this song that I really like, mainly because he's talking about a long distance relationship which I can MORE than understand.  But I like the main lyric, "I don't want easy, I want crazy."  Now, I doubt Hunter Hayes means it in the way I interpret it, but maybe I'm wrong.

I was talking to a sweet friend yesterday about how we're both on the brink of making big decisions that will affect us and those around us both in the immediate future and that will likely affect us long-term as well.  Though we are in completely different situations, the principles of the decisions we are making are very similar. We both see a "safe" path as one of our options.  We are both set with a choice that doesn't take much thinking or risk taking, maybe there's some slight risk involved, but mostly, it's safe and it makes sense to choose that path.  And then there's this other choice available to us that's more uncertain.  There's big gambling involved (not the Vegas kind), a possibility of failure, and a heck of a lot of faith.

Our friends, families, and society in general all tell us to choose the safe route, or what I'm equating to Hunter Hayes' "easy" in the song.  But here's my issue about easy.  It leaves no room to trust God and what He can do in my life.  If my life is planned out for me in such a perfect way, and everything works out just so with no real problems or stress, when do I learn to trust God? I'm ever thankful and grateful to Him for all blessings, but the times that I've come to know God and His heart most have not been times when I'm floating on a cloud with no worries in the world.  It's been the times when I've felt I am in the deepest pits of despair and when I have nothing else to lean on but Him.  I'm not saying I'm necessarily walking into such a situation or intentionally choosing a path like that, but what I'm saying is that I'm more ok with the option that leaves room for that than I am with the "easy" or safe path.  My sweet friend and I both had similar opinions about this regarding our respective situations, and in the moment that we were discussing this all, I was so thankful that God placed someone else in my life going through a very similar struggle at this time.  When you're going through difficult times, you never understand why you're going through them or what you've done to deserve that, but then you see how God uses those times for His glory and it's incredible.  I know that it's no coincidence that her and I are both going through this together.  I am leaving out her name for her privacy here, but I know when she reads this she'll know that it's her that I'm referring to.  Her wisdom and faith in Jesus and His perfect plan for her life is so encouraging to me.

The next year of my life is going to be crazy.  Hunter Hayes' crazy and my definition of crazy.  But I walk with God through every decision I make, and I will continue to seek His wise counsel in all that I do.  I remember when I was younger, my pastor talked one Sunday about how it's quite often that followers of Jesus will make decisions or do things that don't make sense to the rest of the world.  That's stayed with me over the years, and when I make a decision that seems silly to others or going against the grain, I turn down the volume of what everyone else is saying and turn up the volume on what Jesus is telling me through His Word and His Spirit.

Scott has a favorite quote that I once found in the version of a greeting card and sent to him... and it's a quote that many will be quite familiar with.  It's from Emerson, and it's pretty basic.

"Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail. "

Pretty cliche since it's quoted all the time now, but this secular quote also very much applies to my circumstances and that of my dear friend.  Though there is a set path for us to travel along with all of the comforts and safety we have always known, we're drawn to where the path is uncertain and in some ways, has not been traveled before.  Now, MY favorite poem by Robert Frost also comes to mind when I think about our situations.  This is another highly quoted poem, but it's one I've referred to over the years as I've made decisions about leaving home during high school, choosing nursing school over medical school, dating long distance for what seems an eternity, etc.  It's a good one.  It's called "The Road Not Taken."

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood

And sorry I could not travel both

And be one traveler, long I stood

And looked down as far as I could

To where it bent in the undergrowth

Then took the other, as just as fair,

And having perhaps the better claim,

Because it was grassy and wanted wear;

Though as for that the passing there

Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay, 

In leaves no step had trodden black.

Oh, I kept the first for another day!

Yet knowing how way leads on to way,

I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence:

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference.

Every time I have taken the road less traveled in my life, it's been incredibly challenging yet full of IMMENSE blessing.  Going to NCSSM is probably the greatest illustration of this.  I remember the day my family moved me in, helped me unpack, got me settled into my first dorm room.  It was all so exciting, until the moment that we had to say goodbye.  All of the sudden, it hit me that everything was changing.  Home would never be the same again, my relationships with my family would change so much, as would those with my friends.  I remember my mom, sister, and I all crying as I said goodbye to them.  But what great blessing came from my time at NCSSM.  I still consider it one of the most difficult experiences I've ever been through in my life, but I learned so much about myself while there and so much about life and love.  I learned how to live away from home, how to not depend on other people to take care of me.  I found new interests I had through classes that would have never been available to me at my old high school.  I learned how to love someone from a distance (or many someones: my family, my friends, and Scott).  And I met some of my best friends there who are now supporting me through other tough decisions and circumstances in my life.  I often regret missing out on home life with my family and being part of my siblings' lives in a more apparent way, but I loved my family across the distance and came home as much as I could to be with them.  Love really does reach across distance, and I know it will continue to do so in the future.  

And as my mom said to me the other night, with no sugar coating over the words (come on, she's a true Yankee.. do Yankees ever sugar coat anything?), I'm an adult now making adult decisions, and I will deal with the adult consequences.  Though, I will not deal with them alone.  I will cling to Jesus and His truth, and I will know that each step I take may seem "crazy," but it's never a mistake if I trust the Lord with those steps. 

"Those who know your name will trust in you, for you, Lord, have never forsaken those who seek you." -Psalm 9:10

Pray for me to remember these things and pray for my friend as well.  

Grace & peace, sweet friends. And bring on the crazy.