Purpose.

Gracious. My friends, I have been struggling lately.  I'm calling it a "rut," you may refer to it as whatever you'd like.  But whatever it is, it's not fun.  The best way I can describe it is like this: everything in life tastes very bland right now.  I've been reflecting on this with friends, Scott, family, wondering why this is so.

And I think the answer is super simple.  Since starting this whole adventure of living in the real world, I have been SO focused on myself.  What I want, what I need, what makes me happy, what I feel like eating, what I want to do on any given day, what I don't want to do, etc.  It's all about me. I've reflected on this previously on my old blog, but I think that a lot of this self-centeredness comes from the incredible amount of alone time I have this year.  It's more than I've EVER had before.  Last year I had four (incredibly awesome) roommates, and the previous year I had three.  I was constantly surrounded by people, laughter, and noise.  People were always coming by the house-- I mean, really, we were only five minutes down the road from all of our friends.  But this year, the quietness and the solitude leave me feeling a bit removed from the world.  That's not necessarily a bad thing, but I'm missing that community that I so thrived amongst in college.  I say "thrive" with hesitation, as I've already confessed my introvert nature to you.  But I think you know what I mean.

The bigger problem, though, is that I have also removed myself from Jesus recently.  This is how bad it has gotten: I couldn't even find my Bible this morning.  I had no idea when the time that I used it was or where I might have taken it.  After some vigorous organizing and cleaning of my room, I found it, thrown under a stack of mail like it was just another book of coupons ready to go to recycling.  It made me sad to see it there, and when I picked it up, I was even more sad about the fact that I haven't spent any time in Scripture or in prayer in the past week.  My self-centeredness seeps into my faith life and tarnishes my walk with Jesus.  It makes me think I don't need Him and that I can figure things out on my own.  My prideful heart is what pushes me to just keep going all the time and never take time to slow down and listen to God in quiet moments.

I need more quiet moments in my life.  I need more time with the Lord.  And I need to listen to Him as He fills me with His purpose and direction.  I have lost my sense of purpose recently and have misdirected my efforts.  I've sought to do things that make me happy (temporarily) and that fill me with a sense of satisfaction, while completely forgetting that I am here to bring glory to the Lord and to teach others of His love.  It seems like such a giant thing to forget, how could I forget that that's my purpose here? How could I forget that every moment I am here, I am not living for myself but for Him? Oh, what a broken life this is.  I'm ever so thankful for God's grace and mercy, which are eternal and unending for us through Jesus.

I pray for myself and for you this week friends, that the Holy Spirit would fill you with a great sense of urgency for His kingdom and for a great purpose as you set out in your week.  Every task you do, no matter what job you have (doctor, cook, waitress, plumber, flight attendant, nurse, teacher, engineer, parking attendant, parent, spouse, etc.), or how mundane it may seem, do it to your very best ability and as for the Lord and not for men.

"Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward.  You are serving Christ the Lord." Colossians 3:23

"Do all things without grumbling or disputing, that you may be blameless and innocent, children of God without blemish in the midst of a crooked and twisted generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world, holding fast to the word of life, so that in the day of Christ I may be proud that I did not run in vain or labor in vain." -Philippians 2:14-16

And one last verse.  This has been my verse that I think about almost every time I go into work now.

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God." -Hebrews 12:1-2

Be encouraged, friends.  God never stops chasing after you and will pursue you for as long as you live. Don't be discouraged by a a bad week (or a bad month, or a bad year).  Remember that His promises are true and He is faithful when we call.  His answers may not be what you would like for them to be, but His plan is perfect and His purpose in you is flawless.  Wake up and spend time with Jesus before you start your day.  He is waiting for you.

Encourage me in this as well and hold me accountable, sweet friends.  And please, pray with me and send me things to pray about for you.

Grace & peace,
Cristina