Criminal Minds
I hesitate to write this post because of how fresh everything still is in my mind. However, I think that I must write it for that very reason. Here's the short of it: our house was broken into last night. Our safe, comfortable home was broken into by some treacherous being who never learned to keep his hands to himself. He had to put his filthy hands all over our stuff and take some of it.
I don't want to share all of the details on here for several reasons. Number one would be to protect the privacy of our home (though it was wildly violated already) and to keep our secrets of security to ourselves (referring to my roommate and myself). Secondly, I have been reliving this since it happened last night. I've been telling family, friends, etc. about it and don't care to relive it here in a forum like this where it will be published and available for me to look back on at any time. The nightmares would only continue if I had to read and re-read the tale.
But the brief version is that our house was broken into in a way that we could not have anticipated, our alarm company alerted us, and we came home to find that something had been taken. The police arrived within 20 minutes, took a report, and the forensics team showed up to dust fingerprints (of which there were many. Including an entire handprint that is hauntingly on our window still, which I hope to clean off tomorrow in broad daylight). They stayed until 2:30AM, at which point I was ready to pass out since I had been awake since 5 for work.
There's one detail that I cannot get past and that I continue to remain ever thankful for. Within two minutes of the alarm being set off, my roommate was alerted of the incident. Police had been dispatched already. When she was alerted, she was seconds from our neighborhood and came in the back entrance. I was not far behind my roommate and came in the front entrance to the neighborhood. We were minutes away from home and could have been home when this occurred. If it were another night, we could have been sleeping in our beds at the time he broke in. Oddly, neither of us saw anyone in the neighborhood running or driving away, which means he was quick and stealthy.
But we were safe. Though we no longer feel a sense of safety and security, in a general sense, we were safe. I know the Lord's hand was on us; I simply can't see things like that as a coincidence. There's a reason for everything that happens in the world, and for some reason, though I had a trying day at work, I went out with friends last night instead of staying at home. For some reason, we got home from our outing later than expected. And for some reason, we hadn't yet pulled into our driveway when we heard about the event. And I firmly believe that God was protecting us.
In any case, all day I have been a wreck. I keep replaying it and reliving it in my mind, even though we weren't here. I keep imagining who it was, how they could have known we weren't home. I keep trying to think like a criminal, which makes me feel sick to my stomach. I'm not a criminal, and trying to think like one is so repulsive to me that I really feel physically ill. I will never understand the mind of a criminal. I will never know what makes them choose one house over another. Were we being watched, perhaps targeted for this crime? Or was it as the police officer said, most likely a random crime? What could we do to better protect ourselves? How can we prevent this from happening again? Is he going to come back? All of these remain unanswered and likely will never be truly resolved.
I think that my dad gave a really great explanation of how I feel (Note: I talked to both of my parents this morning and relayed the entire story to them; both are former NYPD cops and had lots of things to share to put my mind a little more at ease. I'm so thankful for their knowledge during this frightening time). He said "the most valuable thing they stole from you was an intangible: your peace of mind." And he's exactly right.
I don't know what it will take for me to feel safe again, but I feel neurotic right now. I was scared to take a shower when I was home alone today, scared to be downstairs in my house, where I always used to spend time. I was scared to even make a cup of coffee downstairs, which I typically do every morning. Every creak in the house, every blow of the wind against our house makes me shudder. "He's back," I think to myself. Despite numerous promises that burglars never strike a place twice, I'm convinced that this will be the exception. A building company came for renovations at our neighbor's house today and I was ready to call the cops for suspicious activity. My mind will go to the deepest and darkest places it can right now, and I need rescuing from it.
My day was filled with trying to rescue myself. One of my dearest friends, Lindsay, came to visit today, and we spent the day catching up and travelling around town. When she left, I changed and headed straight to Garner for the Josh Garrels concert with sweet Rachel Cooley (the concert: amazing. Completely brought me back to a happy place where there are no bad things).
Somehow, I will get past this. What I need now is saving. And thankfully I have a Savior who walked the Earth in human flesh and died a brutal death for the forgiveness of my sins. He loves me and pursues me daily. He craves relationship with me. And He protects me from evil in the world.
I like what Angela Thomas says about God. She's so right in her assessment of Him.
"What God promises is that He always, always comes. He always shows up. He always saves. He always rescues. His timing is not our's. His methods are usually unconventional. But what we know, what we can settle in our souls, is that He is faithful to come when we call." -Angela Thomas
What treasure and hope I find in that. I'd really appreciate your prayers for my roommate and myself as we heal from this event. Some may read this and think we're being overly dramatic. If you've never been burglarized before, it's a feeling I can't quite explain. The most private place you know, the place where you eat and sleep and relax and enjoy most of your life has been explicitly violated. Someone else has entered into your safe place and left you feeling utterly exposed. It's a dreadful feeling. I pray for the Lord to come into this place and protect us as He did last night.
Your prayers are coveted at this time.
Grace & peace (though not of mind),
C
I don't want to share all of the details on here for several reasons. Number one would be to protect the privacy of our home (though it was wildly violated already) and to keep our secrets of security to ourselves (referring to my roommate and myself). Secondly, I have been reliving this since it happened last night. I've been telling family, friends, etc. about it and don't care to relive it here in a forum like this where it will be published and available for me to look back on at any time. The nightmares would only continue if I had to read and re-read the tale.
But the brief version is that our house was broken into in a way that we could not have anticipated, our alarm company alerted us, and we came home to find that something had been taken. The police arrived within 20 minutes, took a report, and the forensics team showed up to dust fingerprints (of which there were many. Including an entire handprint that is hauntingly on our window still, which I hope to clean off tomorrow in broad daylight). They stayed until 2:30AM, at which point I was ready to pass out since I had been awake since 5 for work.
There's one detail that I cannot get past and that I continue to remain ever thankful for. Within two minutes of the alarm being set off, my roommate was alerted of the incident. Police had been dispatched already. When she was alerted, she was seconds from our neighborhood and came in the back entrance. I was not far behind my roommate and came in the front entrance to the neighborhood. We were minutes away from home and could have been home when this occurred. If it were another night, we could have been sleeping in our beds at the time he broke in. Oddly, neither of us saw anyone in the neighborhood running or driving away, which means he was quick and stealthy.
But we were safe. Though we no longer feel a sense of safety and security, in a general sense, we were safe. I know the Lord's hand was on us; I simply can't see things like that as a coincidence. There's a reason for everything that happens in the world, and for some reason, though I had a trying day at work, I went out with friends last night instead of staying at home. For some reason, we got home from our outing later than expected. And for some reason, we hadn't yet pulled into our driveway when we heard about the event. And I firmly believe that God was protecting us.
In any case, all day I have been a wreck. I keep replaying it and reliving it in my mind, even though we weren't here. I keep imagining who it was, how they could have known we weren't home. I keep trying to think like a criminal, which makes me feel sick to my stomach. I'm not a criminal, and trying to think like one is so repulsive to me that I really feel physically ill. I will never understand the mind of a criminal. I will never know what makes them choose one house over another. Were we being watched, perhaps targeted for this crime? Or was it as the police officer said, most likely a random crime? What could we do to better protect ourselves? How can we prevent this from happening again? Is he going to come back? All of these remain unanswered and likely will never be truly resolved.
I think that my dad gave a really great explanation of how I feel (Note: I talked to both of my parents this morning and relayed the entire story to them; both are former NYPD cops and had lots of things to share to put my mind a little more at ease. I'm so thankful for their knowledge during this frightening time). He said "the most valuable thing they stole from you was an intangible: your peace of mind." And he's exactly right.
I don't know what it will take for me to feel safe again, but I feel neurotic right now. I was scared to take a shower when I was home alone today, scared to be downstairs in my house, where I always used to spend time. I was scared to even make a cup of coffee downstairs, which I typically do every morning. Every creak in the house, every blow of the wind against our house makes me shudder. "He's back," I think to myself. Despite numerous promises that burglars never strike a place twice, I'm convinced that this will be the exception. A building company came for renovations at our neighbor's house today and I was ready to call the cops for suspicious activity. My mind will go to the deepest and darkest places it can right now, and I need rescuing from it.
My day was filled with trying to rescue myself. One of my dearest friends, Lindsay, came to visit today, and we spent the day catching up and travelling around town. When she left, I changed and headed straight to Garner for the Josh Garrels concert with sweet Rachel Cooley (the concert: amazing. Completely brought me back to a happy place where there are no bad things).
Somehow, I will get past this. What I need now is saving. And thankfully I have a Savior who walked the Earth in human flesh and died a brutal death for the forgiveness of my sins. He loves me and pursues me daily. He craves relationship with me. And He protects me from evil in the world.
I like what Angela Thomas says about God. She's so right in her assessment of Him.
"What God promises is that He always, always comes. He always shows up. He always saves. He always rescues. His timing is not our's. His methods are usually unconventional. But what we know, what we can settle in our souls, is that He is faithful to come when we call." -Angela Thomas
What treasure and hope I find in that. I'd really appreciate your prayers for my roommate and myself as we heal from this event. Some may read this and think we're being overly dramatic. If you've never been burglarized before, it's a feeling I can't quite explain. The most private place you know, the place where you eat and sleep and relax and enjoy most of your life has been explicitly violated. Someone else has entered into your safe place and left you feeling utterly exposed. It's a dreadful feeling. I pray for the Lord to come into this place and protect us as He did last night.
Your prayers are coveted at this time.
Grace & peace (though not of mind),
C
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